Every Time I Say Something Nice About Someone…

They just have to go and give me a brand new reason to hate them all over again! In the case of; The People vs. Mr. Brett Michaels’ (and VH1/Rock Of Love), we have been provided ample ammunition for aggression. People charges have been filed, the case is going to court, and I’m the Prosecutor!
Your Honor, I’d like to present the following evidence that will prove beyond the shadow of a doubt that Mr. Michaels is indeed the worlds’ biggest douchebag.
Strike One: Taste in women…or lack there of. WTF Brett? You have chosen (on several occassions I might add) to make out with Rodeo, your resident 40 something cowgirl. Bro…she’s buff…like man buff. Her neck looks like Hulk Hogans’ circa 1985. Not to mention she also wears a cowboy hat. Constantly! And, worst of all… she has a misshapen head. At this point do I even need to bring in Magdalena? He…oops I mean she needs to go. Seriously.
Strike Two: You nixed Tiffany! C’mon Brett any woman who slurs “don’t threaten me with a good time” has got to be entertaining, and completely retarted. Undoubtably her undiagnosed personality disorder and definite substance abuse problems would have pumped life in to a show that has completely flat-lined after one episode.
Strike Three: Your wardrobe. I know you’ve always worn your little cowboy hat, but this time you have really lowered the bar. Yeah I’m talkin about your jammies. Are you for real? Red and black dragon jammies. Are you 40 or 4? As if that weren’t the lamest thing I’d ever seen, you finish the show wearing a cow hide duster and matching cowboy hat. Hey jackass! Yeah you with the hair extensions, YOU LIVE IN L.A.! Not to mention you were indoors.
Thats it Your Honor. The Prosecution rest’s.
14 seconds later the jury returns the guilty verdict and the judge allows me to sentence you.
Mr. Michaels, this court hereby sentences you to spend the remainder of your life stuck on Survivor Island with Mark Burnett, Nancy Grace, George W. Bush, Lindsay Lohan, Michael Vick,Davey Havok, the entire cast of Pirate Master and anyone else we decide to exile. Maybe Mr. Burnett will come up with an immunity challenge…loser has to bunk with Nancy.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.