Out there in the wonderful world of the interweb, there really isn’t a lot of information that you can find on The Broken Saints. Actually, the more I searched, the more I just wanted to give up and watch The Boondock Saints instead so I could see Willem Dafoe do a pirouette while shooting up south side Boston criminals. But I eventually came across an interview with them discussing the process of making their debut album When The Music Stops, and it included a couple of previews of some of their songs. Now my initial thought was that these guys reminded me of the Bacon Brothers; just two dudes who don’t have any real musical talent but are touring off of the fame of Kevin simply so they can get laid in different cities. But then I realized that neither of them was actually famous and that the uglier brother had just admitted the fact that he can’t write songs unless they are about himself. This is when I realized that these guys were actually worse than the Bacon Brothers.
From the opening track you realize how limited they are both musically and vocally. Neither of them happens to be blessed with a good voice and as a result you are stuck with horrible melodies and average at best harmonies. Each brother plays guitar in the band but unfortunately they play the same two chords in every song. All of this is okay if you are Bob Dylan and have excellent lyrics but not if you’re bringing Hanson quality Mmm Bop lyrics to the plate.
For instance in Nobody Else where he compares himself to a bird, one of them says “I don’t need nobody else, I don’t want nobody else, I don’t need nobody but you, the bird song came true”. Or there was my personal favorite in Scared Again, which I swear is about his childhood nightmares of the boogie man, in which he sings “Shadows dance across my bed, don’t go where the angels dare don’t tread”. Now don’t get me wrong, I realize that you can take any lyrics out of context and make them sound silly but I swear these are just bad poems from someone who watched St Elmo’s Fire one too many times. And honestly I can’t blame them; I can’t get enough of a young, hot, and horny Demi Moore myself. I just wish they had some vocal range to help mask the fact that you are listening to some of the cheesiest lyrics ever written.
Musically, Dreams Never Die and Open Your Eyes are the best of this 8 track effort because they finally infuse some piano into their songs. And thankfully they add a female voice in Eyes to help give a consistent melody but sadly it’s just not enough to save this album. It almost makes the 180 that you usually get in movies; you know, it’s so bad that it becomes comical and you end up liking it. But not quite. I checked their Myspace (yes Myspace) page and it says that they have been around since at least 2008. I just can’t imagine that it took them at least 5 years to come up with this album.
Sadly, when the music finally stops with these saints , you want to repent and claim that you will never listen to this album again. And yes I was channeling my inner David Caruso there; cue the cheesy guitar music as I put on my shades.